MA..... WHere IS my TedDy BeAr LaH

When was the last time you misses someone that is very dear to your heart? When was the last time you hug that someone before saying goodbye? When was the last time you thought that you dont care about them and when they go away you just misses them badly. When was the last time you say something sweet to that person and not knowing it would be the last time? Neither one of these points came into my mine before till now. There is this really unexplainable feeling that came into me today. It is like saying goodbye to your favorite teddy bear, one moment you are hugging it and the next it was gone (cos your mom find its too much of a salty/fishy smell that she could not stand it much longer). I thought i was able to handle goodbyes but in the end i was badly affected by it. I hate goodbyes as they hurt.....

Scaredi Cat !!!!!!!!

This morning i had my H1N1 Vaccination. Although i am now in my midz twenties but i am still quite fearful of taking jabs. Anything that has a sharp pointed ends will always give me a twinkling feeling as if i am being placed on the hanging stand waiting to be hang. I have once heard from a talk show, whatever that you are fearful of e.g. water, knifes,fire and etc. Most likely in your previous life you were caused by the death of it. Maybe i was once either being poke to death or stab to death thats why i am so fearful of all those pointed ends. ~ ZZZZ
Back to my H1N1 Jab! Because of this stupid jab, last night i could not stop my anxiety over this matter. I had nightmares and disturbance throughout the night. I either dreamt of lizards falling all over me or i kept waking up by an unknown fear. I cannot stop questioning myself on why i am such a scaredi cat. Even when i stood infront of the doctor who had a ready needle in his hand, i can't stopped asking for my reassurances from him by making him speaks with a few comforting words. "Dont worry, it will just be a quick jab, i will just poke it in and you will be fine before you know it."~sounded familiar yah, did i heard this before when i was still in my single digit years?

Soulmate

Have you ever heard of this word call the Soulmate?Do you believe in finding one?Do you know what it defines? There was an author who describes soulmate as dividing 1 soul into 2 and from there they live by different lifes but yet when they meet they connect together as 1. How beautiful this description is but in the actual way of life, do you think such creation exist? My way of defining Soulmate would be having someone who can accept you for who you are. Someone who can understand you by a single movement; be it a blink in the eye or a slight change in gesture. Someone who allows you to speak freely and express your thoughts without any hesitation that it will ended up in an arguement. Just that someone who can blend into your life so comfortably and so easily without remoulding the actual you. This is my definition! But out of the millions of living soul, do you think that special someone do exists under the same sky, breathing through the same air? I believe that after all, many times when we don't come across one we will ended up creating one. For instance, is by either changing yourself or expecting he/she to change in order to fit into that so call "Soulmate wannabe" term. Despite the differences you see you will still try to hope and endure the differences between 2 person in order to believe that you are actually living in the Soulmate Fairtale! So after all what is the true definition of a soulmate? Since we ourselves are involved in the recreation of the actual definition.

Birthday Crash!

31st was suppose to be a memoriable day for me, but it ended up as a painful day to remember. I started off crying and ended up drank. The best of all is to actually waking up feeling hang over and moodless. That was not the way to welcome 1st of Nov~ as there are too much pain and tears.

On the 1st of Nov itself, i was really blessed to have a come back. Had breakfast with Kah Ying (sis) at a dim sum place and she got me some lovely cupcakes that are too good to be eaten. After that we hang out in IKEA before heading back home where i had a "surprise" visit from Esther and JY. Esther the Master Chef cooked fried rice for us and along she baked cupcakes for me....... not forgetting her way of singing "HAP HAP HAP HAPPY BIRTHDAY". Thank you girls for being there for me when i am down and taking the time off to celebrate my birthday. At least i know that when the world collapses you will be there to hold it up for me. LOVE YOU ...............

Lossing it

I am lossing that passion for blogging. Alt there are series of happenings or updates in my life but i just can't be bothered to update my blog. I guess there are reasons behind this reluctance . Either i felt that no one is checking on me or i am simply lossing the excitement for blogging.

Recently, i have again shifted to a new place and this time round i hope it would be the last time. Moving from places to places could be quite tiring esp when its 3x within a year. "yawn" damn tired........ its bloody raining again. I can witness the elephants and donkeys falling down from the sky, landing on the ground outside my lab. Do you call it a sighting or will you regard it as a shitty time of a day.................

Moment of Truth

In life the scary thing is that when you make a mistake you can never turn back time and amend it. Sometimes, i wished that accident never happen so that my life would not have changed so much. Yet again when you hope and wish for a better life, life will still remain as cruel as ever.Since the accident i felt that i was hurt not just emotionally but physically as well. Especially my memory, i have trouble remembering things and each time i fail to recall i blame myself. When this problem was shared with friends, they would say that its my mind that is playing the trick or i should stop thinking too much and its affecting my memory. It's always about me creating my own problem. Living in such agony can kill your faith slowly with time. BUT, maybe is the help of GOD, he show be some light recently. I visited an osteopathic doc with my initial intention of seeking treatment for my backbone problem. However throughout the consultation i was devastated and started crying like a baby. What did the doc say? She says that my spine had undergo trama during the accident and with my history of osteolysis, my spine had twisted its position. Another words would be it had affected my nervous system within the spine and all these leads to emotional depression, character changes and MEMORY LOST. That was a moment of truth, a truth that i have been seeking for the past 2 years. Its like telling you that you are not crazy and what you doubt on yourself are all true. At that moment tears came flowing down like stream of rivers. ~ Thank you DR LOO for your enlightenment, its good enough to keep my faith alive.

Dance Your Heart Out

I took up my courage and posted this new video. As mentioned before, i took up some dancing classes during the weekends. Although after weeks of training i still consider myself a poor student who possess a weak rythmic and coordination skill. But again thinking on the brighter side, to be able to complete a dance routine and without giving up i guess its already an achievement. I will not be surprise if after watching the clip there will be 2 sorts of remark.
1) she is looking fat like a whale 2)this kinda standard also can show people ah. Despite from all these possible negative remarks i have decided to compose myself with my own comforting words:"at least you have manage to work this out without giving up on yourself."So with this, i took up my courage to share this clip with my friends! ENJOY YO.......