MA..... WHere IS my TedDy BeAr LaH

When was the last time you misses someone that is very dear to your heart? When was the last time you hug that someone before saying goodbye? When was the last time you thought that you dont care about them and when they go away you just misses them badly. When was the last time you say something sweet to that person and not knowing it would be the last time? Neither one of these points came into my mine before till now. There is this really unexplainable feeling that came into me today. It is like saying goodbye to your favorite teddy bear, one moment you are hugging it and the next it was gone (cos your mom find its too much of a salty/fishy smell that she could not stand it much longer). I thought i was able to handle goodbyes but in the end i was badly affected by it. I hate goodbyes as they hurt.....

Scaredi Cat !!!!!!!!

This morning i had my H1N1 Vaccination. Although i am now in my midz twenties but i am still quite fearful of taking jabs. Anything that has a sharp pointed ends will always give me a twinkling feeling as if i am being placed on the hanging stand waiting to be hang. I have once heard from a talk show, whatever that you are fearful of e.g. water, knifes,fire and etc. Most likely in your previous life you were caused by the death of it. Maybe i was once either being poke to death or stab to death thats why i am so fearful of all those pointed ends. ~ ZZZZ
Back to my H1N1 Jab! Because of this stupid jab, last night i could not stop my anxiety over this matter. I had nightmares and disturbance throughout the night. I either dreamt of lizards falling all over me or i kept waking up by an unknown fear. I cannot stop questioning myself on why i am such a scaredi cat. Even when i stood infront of the doctor who had a ready needle in his hand, i can't stopped asking for my reassurances from him by making him speaks with a few comforting words. "Dont worry, it will just be a quick jab, i will just poke it in and you will be fine before you know it."~sounded familiar yah, did i heard this before when i was still in my single digit years?

Soulmate

Have you ever heard of this word call the Soulmate?Do you believe in finding one?Do you know what it defines? There was an author who describes soulmate as dividing 1 soul into 2 and from there they live by different lifes but yet when they meet they connect together as 1. How beautiful this description is but in the actual way of life, do you think such creation exist? My way of defining Soulmate would be having someone who can accept you for who you are. Someone who can understand you by a single movement; be it a blink in the eye or a slight change in gesture. Someone who allows you to speak freely and express your thoughts without any hesitation that it will ended up in an arguement. Just that someone who can blend into your life so comfortably and so easily without remoulding the actual you. This is my definition! But out of the millions of living soul, do you think that special someone do exists under the same sky, breathing through the same air? I believe that after all, many times when we don't come across one we will ended up creating one. For instance, is by either changing yourself or expecting he/she to change in order to fit into that so call "Soulmate wannabe" term. Despite the differences you see you will still try to hope and endure the differences between 2 person in order to believe that you are actually living in the Soulmate Fairtale! So after all what is the true definition of a soulmate? Since we ourselves are involved in the recreation of the actual definition.

Birthday Crash!

31st was suppose to be a memoriable day for me, but it ended up as a painful day to remember. I started off crying and ended up drank. The best of all is to actually waking up feeling hang over and moodless. That was not the way to welcome 1st of Nov~ as there are too much pain and tears.

On the 1st of Nov itself, i was really blessed to have a come back. Had breakfast with Kah Ying (sis) at a dim sum place and she got me some lovely cupcakes that are too good to be eaten. After that we hang out in IKEA before heading back home where i had a "surprise" visit from Esther and JY. Esther the Master Chef cooked fried rice for us and along she baked cupcakes for me....... not forgetting her way of singing "HAP HAP HAP HAPPY BIRTHDAY". Thank you girls for being there for me when i am down and taking the time off to celebrate my birthday. At least i know that when the world collapses you will be there to hold it up for me. LOVE YOU ...............

Lossing it

I am lossing that passion for blogging. Alt there are series of happenings or updates in my life but i just can't be bothered to update my blog. I guess there are reasons behind this reluctance . Either i felt that no one is checking on me or i am simply lossing the excitement for blogging.

Recently, i have again shifted to a new place and this time round i hope it would be the last time. Moving from places to places could be quite tiring esp when its 3x within a year. "yawn" damn tired........ its bloody raining again. I can witness the elephants and donkeys falling down from the sky, landing on the ground outside my lab. Do you call it a sighting or will you regard it as a shitty time of a day.................

Moment of Truth

In life the scary thing is that when you make a mistake you can never turn back time and amend it. Sometimes, i wished that accident never happen so that my life would not have changed so much. Yet again when you hope and wish for a better life, life will still remain as cruel as ever.Since the accident i felt that i was hurt not just emotionally but physically as well. Especially my memory, i have trouble remembering things and each time i fail to recall i blame myself. When this problem was shared with friends, they would say that its my mind that is playing the trick or i should stop thinking too much and its affecting my memory. It's always about me creating my own problem. Living in such agony can kill your faith slowly with time. BUT, maybe is the help of GOD, he show be some light recently. I visited an osteopathic doc with my initial intention of seeking treatment for my backbone problem. However throughout the consultation i was devastated and started crying like a baby. What did the doc say? She says that my spine had undergo trama during the accident and with my history of osteolysis, my spine had twisted its position. Another words would be it had affected my nervous system within the spine and all these leads to emotional depression, character changes and MEMORY LOST. That was a moment of truth, a truth that i have been seeking for the past 2 years. Its like telling you that you are not crazy and what you doubt on yourself are all true. At that moment tears came flowing down like stream of rivers. ~ Thank you DR LOO for your enlightenment, its good enough to keep my faith alive.

Dance Your Heart Out

I took up my courage and posted this new video. As mentioned before, i took up some dancing classes during the weekends. Although after weeks of training i still consider myself a poor student who possess a weak rythmic and coordination skill. But again thinking on the brighter side, to be able to complete a dance routine and without giving up i guess its already an achievement. I will not be surprise if after watching the clip there will be 2 sorts of remark.
1) she is looking fat like a whale 2)this kinda standard also can show people ah. Despite from all these possible negative remarks i have decided to compose myself with my own comforting words:"at least you have manage to work this out without giving up on yourself."So with this, i took up my courage to share this clip with my friends! ENJOY YO.......

Goodbye

Today's blog is dedicated especially to my dear friend Ying Ying who had recently lost her special friend. After reading your blog, i could understand your grief towards girl girl's departure. In life nothing stays forever and each time when its time to say goodbye it is never easy.

When we first arrive into this world, we came in tears while we brought along the joy of our love ones. However when it is time to leave this world we left in silence while we left our love ones in tears. Sadly to say this is the reality of LIFE! There maybe times when we claim that god is cruel and heartless but again if we were to look at a different angle. You will realise that if you were given a second chance to say no to this meeting, your final answer will still be yes. Why?It is because underneath it all you clearly understand that no matter how painful it is to say goodbye but for the 9 years that she had spent living under your shelter. She had brought your family with countless memories that are so dear to your heart and with this her memories will last forever in you. Ying, although she had left this world but i believe throughout her stay she must have felt lucky to be part of your family and we this she had left peacefully.

Enclosed

I have been visiting and stopping at other people's blog recently. In their blog, they are able to share their feelings so openly with others and that kind of openess is not easy to achieve. Can hou imagine is like you are sharing so much of your personal feelings to whom you don't know or know so little of you. In another words,its like stripping yourself naked and standing in a crowd of strangers to allow them to see through you. Initially when i started my blog, i was able to share my feelings with others but not knowing when i had sealed my feelings away. The more i blogged the least i could share. OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ALICIA STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIoT. OPEN U OPEN UP!!!!!!!!P

Old School Gathering

Boyi, Su Su, Jolin and family

Vegetarian Food ~Prepared by Boyi's Mom

Baby Jolin soooooo CUTE!!!

Jie Ying's RETURN..... WooLALA

When i mention Old School, i don't exactly mean my old schoolmates. What i meant was a catch up time with the old time friends from NZ. Boyi and Susu brought their baby boy Jolin back from NZ for 3 weeks holiday. This cute baby boy looks exactly like MUMMY and with his rosy cheek i just can't help it but wanting to kiss him. Due to the hot weather here baby jolin kept scratching his chubby cheek~ SOOOO SUPER DUPER CUTEEEEEEEEE. We suppose to sympathize this poor chap but because he looked soo cute i thought it will be okay for him to scratch his way..... hee. Not forgetting Jie Ying is back for a Wee while, in fact that WEee means 10 days. She didnt change much just abit more feminine as compared to last time ~ thats Adeline's comment la. As for me i still find her as feminine as before. Jie Ying said that she will be coming back to work so long there are opportunities here ~ I will pray for you gal.

Freaky KLownz.... MY LOVE!!!

Last Sunday night along with my 3 friends we went to watch "The Big Groove". Its an AWESOME performance by famous dance troops from all over asia. There were Cool Mint,WCO,funky jazz from Japan,All Star from Philipine,SD crew from HK, Freaky Klownz from Taiwan and etc. MY GOD they dance soooooo well, after watching them both adeline and i lost our motivation towards our JB dancing class. MAN~ The standards are way way below the ones we have seen, so it kinda kill our admiration towards our JB teacher.FREAKY KLOWNZ what can i say, although they are not the best but they are always the best in my heart.~oh yeh!!!!!~ Especially the team leader Qui Qui, she can dance so well i am so taken by her moves.On the day of the performance, while we were queueing up for the entrance we met her and thanks to my friend. I have finally taken a DREAM PICTURE with her. After the photo taking i was so nervous i kept smiling to myself and esther said to me:" You look so cute when you smile like that." Have i not been cute before this???? ESTHER ONG are you blind?

Freaky KLownz.... MY LOVE!!!

Last Sunday night along with my 3 friends we went to watch "The Big Groove". Its an AWESOME performance by famous dance troops from all over asia. There were Cool Mint,WCO,funky jazz from Japan,All Star from Philipine,SD crew from HK, Freaky Klownz from Taiwan and etc. MY GOD they dance soooooo well, after watching them both adeline and i lost our motivation towards our JB dancing class. MAN~ The standards are way way below the ones we have seen, so it kinda kill our admiration towards our JB teacher.
FREAKY KLOWNZ what can i say, although they are not the best but they are always the best in my heart.~oh yeh!!!!!~ Especially the team leader Qui Qui, she can dance so well i am so taken by her moves.On the day of the performance, while we were queueing up for the entrance we met her and thanks to my friend. I have finally taken a DREAM PICTURE with her. After the photo taking i was so nervous i kept smiling to myself and esther said to me:" You look so cute when you smile like that." Have i not been cute before this???? ESTHER ONG are you blind? BTW i also found out that my idol has a Slight BO.... But well its the best BO EVER!!!!!!!!! Kidding la....

Randy Pausch

I am currently reading a book by Randy Pausch, it is call "THE LAST LECTURE". This book was first introduced to me by Jurcannie who told me that by simply reading this book, it will bring tears to your eye. The book cover has a rocket looking image on it which make the first impression to be kiddish. As i go about reading it i gain a better understanding on both the content itself and the author himself. This guy Randy was a professor from Carnegie Mellon and he teaches IT. In 2006 he was Diagnosed with Terminal Cancer and was expected to live for 3-6 months. After knowing his days were limited, he decided to write out this book as well as to conduct a Last Lecture to the students in Carnegie Mellon. During the leacture he will address the audience with his childhood dream, his journey in life as well as his love for his children. His real purpose was to give his children a chance to know him better even though he will no longer physically be there for them after his death. Sadly to say, i went to research on him and he passed away last year in July 2008. There are a few paragraph in the book which i find it inspiring and would like to share with you guys. 1) He met a waitress who got pregnant by accident so he wrote :" Here was a woman, having a child by accident that she surely would come to love. As for me, through the accident of cancer I will be leaving three children to grow up without my love." 2) When he found out his sickness, he mention :"All right, this is what it is. We can't change it. We just have to decide how we will respond. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

Say " I DO "

A Gathering in the morning
Don't you think they look alike? On the way back to aunt's place to rest Amara Hotel

My lovely nephews "flower boys"

Private Affairs ~hee

Mummy's girl

Ain't they cute?

Rehearsal for the "Sword Ceremony"

A Apple Tequila for a Start

Ready for a March In

Break Time

At this very moment i am actually in the office taking my lunch break. The offical time for our break is from 12.15 to 1pm. However for this company their culture is fairly different from the previous company that i have worked for. They pack their lunchies from the canteen and bring it back to the office to eat, there are no mingling between colleagues from another department and there are basically no life at all. My lifestyle has changed dramatically from a person who is so outgoing and enjoys talking to people to a person who hardly speak a few words a day to the surrounding wood blocks. People here are unbelieveable, they can keep most of their time to themselves and all they do is just isolating themselves in their own world. Even if you are to wave crasily and asking for help, i believe they might be quite reluctant to come by to assist you. Most importantly, people here are people who are literally stuck here for their entire life. It WOULD NOT be a surprise to come across people who worked for more than 24 years in this company. Is really GOD BLESS ME !!!!!!!!!!

A Home for a Homeless Chicken

On Saturaday morning, i recieved a phone call from a company which i have been through 2 rounds of interview. First thing for the HR to ask me was:" you want good news or bad news?" Of course i will go for bad news first. He continue with:" well, in fact there are no bad news but only good news."~~ LAME~~ However, it was worth the price of having a few mins of a LAME event since i was offered a job!!!!
As mention above, home for a Homeless chicken had given me the sense of belonging. Searching in the mist for a home had felt like forever, so for now i can finally sit back and relax a bit from those tension. This new job will indicate a new beginning for a new chapter in my life.

"Those of us with water in our personalities don't pick where we flow to. All we can do is flow where the landscape of our lives carries us."

Help! Help! anyone there please Help me i am drowning....PLEASE!!
Alicia! Alicia! is that you.... quick give me your hand!
Someone's here for me, someone heard my cry, someone's here to save me from death. With the last hope in me, I gather all of my strength, force my weight against the gravity and struggle my way up to the surface.
There! I reached out my hand towards the trail of voice........ but no ones there.
I thought i heard a voice, i thought i am going to survive, i thought....... its all my own imagination.
Slowly without further struggle, i let go...let go of all the hope and will...allowing the ocean to take me in as part of them.

I came from a humble family, with 2 old folks working day through day and night trying to make ends meet. I work my life through the same way, no celebration of christmas eve, no time for hugging during mother's day, no time for moon viewing during mid autumn festival...
During my schooling days, i wake up at 5 to get myself ready to go to school and when i reached home others might have taken their shower or dinner. When i started working, my life was not that easy, i had to go through the rush hour at the custom in the morning to get to work and rush my way back after a hectic day at work. I slept rarely more than 6 hrs each day. I still remember there were many times where i walk my way from Kranji to Malaysia custom with tears flowing down from the corner of my eye. Thinking where do i have to go through this shitty life. Yes, with all these at that point of time, i wonder why can't i be abit more fortunate , why can't i have a more smooth sailing life. Finally, my luck came i was given a chance to go oversea to study. Those days were the best, despite my expenses were tigher than some others but i thought that those were the best days of my life. When you thought that the worst is over......your wrong!
My sail was the roughest since i am back from NZ........ from the worst break up, worst job, worst economic crisis, worst job hunting period, worst temp job and the worst family disappointment. This time i have finally reached the bottom of the pool.... waiting for time to consume me completely.

Bloody Hell !!!!

As i woke up this morning. I was thinking well its time to update my blog, so i took out my camera and started transfering my photos. BUT............ it wouldn't work, despite the numerous attempts it just wouldn't work. Due to some unexplainable reasons, unsure if it is some kinda incompatibility, my computer will ended up jammed dead the moment i try to load in my photos. This really piss me off !!!!!!!

The only thing i can do right now is to try and transfer my photos into my desktop. For that it will probably take another week before i can start loading in new photos.

Wedding Day

1 shot with the wedding couple

Surprise!!!!! *pop out from the back stage"

Super hyper churchy's participates

YUM Yum yum yummmmmm Sheng AH!

A small token of appreciation

oh mom not again!!! *don't close your eyessss*

Hai~ so young man !

Hot MAMA!!!!

Hot Daughter!!!

Qing Ming Festival

Trying to be mysterious!!!
My sister and me

We love chewy gum......Our family gathering!!!

Every once a year we will have to come across "Qing Ming Jie". For most of the people when you mention anything that is related to death or tomb, naturally it brings out the goosebumps or the creeps in most people. Initially i had the exact same reaction but with time ironically i had grown to like it. In our family especially for my mom's side, since young between cousins we are closely bonded. Nevertheless for mom and her siblings they are forever there for each other through thick and thin. They will always come out with all sort of reasons to gather everyone together for a catch up and the venue will either be at my place, my aunt's place or my uncle's place. Each time we meet up, for the younger ones like us we will mingle around trying to update each other on our latest happenings whereas for the older generation, they will form their older gang and will spend most of their time reminiscing the older days or discussion on how bad the economic is right now. And, not forgetting the 2007 generation they will be running around the house while their parents following closely behind them. This year my uncle had came up with a new idea, his suggested that from next year onwards after "Qing Ming" we will all set off to a restaurant to have our lunch before all of us head back home. *In addition, the bill will be on him* ~see that is why i like it!